


The Nightmares That Ground You

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 17:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/801520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At some point in his search for God, Castiel gets wind of somewhere he might be.  But getting there is hard and as he struggles to get there, injured and exhausted, he asks Dean for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Nightmares That Ground You

**Author's Note:**

> Previously published on fanfiction.net and LiveJournal mid-2012; updated slightly and published here for completeness.
> 
> I wanted to try out a dialogue-based story. As always, experimenting with writing is fun.

“Cas?” Dean mumbled awake to the sound of Cas speaking in Enochian very loud from somewhere nearby.

“Casarem ohorela caba Pire: das zodunurenusagi cab: erem Iadanahe. Pilahe farezodem zodenurezoda adana gono Iadapiel das home-tohe – ”

Dean turned over in the bed towards the sound to find himself rolling right up against Cas lying on the bed next to him, eyes closed; Dean leapt so far back so quickly he nearly ended up on the floor.

“Whoa, Cas? What the …?” When Cas didn’t break off his litany, Dean put out a hand to touch his shoulder, “Cas?”

Cas stopped, and Dean could see the white of his eyes as they suddenly opened wide.

“Dean?”

“Were you asleep, dude?”

“I don’t need to sleep.”

“Yeah? Well, you were doing a pretty good imitation of someone who does need to sleep.”

“How did I get here?”

“You don’t know?”

Cas glared at Dean, “If I knew I wouldn’t need to ask.” 

“Touchy! All I know is you were lying there muttering in my ear in Enochian. On my bed! It’s a good job Sam’s out. I’d never hear the end of it.”

“Enochian? What was I saying?”

“Do I look as if I speak Enochian?”

Cas looked disconcerted and confused, “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Um, okay. Any idea where you should be?”

“Somewhere else.” And with a flutter he was gone.

Dean rolled over on the bed to reach for his phone and dialed Cas. The phone was answered after one ring.

“Dean, not now,” and Cas hung up.

Dean pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it like it was the phone’s fault. Nobody hangs up on Dean Winchester. “Fuck him.” He rolled back onto the bed and went back to sleep.

\---XXXXXX---

Dean woke the second time to the sound of Bobby’s ringtone. Groggily he looked at his watch and seeing it was only 7 in the morning, he knew Bobby would be ringing with something important.

“Bobby, s’up?” he rolled upright on the bed, swinging his legs over the side as he held the phone in one hand and ran his fingers through his hair absentmindedly with the other.

“Your angel’s here.”

“He’s not my angel” Dean muttered automatically. He’d said it so many times before he didn’t know why he bothered. No one took any notice. Except Cas got pissed whenever he overheard and then he got grumpy with Dean. 

“Whatever.”

“What does he want?”

“How the hell should I know. He’s lying on my couch having nightmares and bleeding.”

Dean woke up at that one. “Bleeding as in, was bleeding once but now healed and just not washed? And nightmares as in …” Dean didn’t have an analogy for that one. Couldn’t imagine a sensible alternative to nightmares when it related to Cas.

“Bleeding as in has an open wound on his forearm that won’t stop, and nightmares as in he’s got his eyes closed and is shouting the house down in Enochian!” Bobby’s voice got louder as he finished his sentence, and now Dean thought about it he could hear Cas in the background.

“Wake him up!” Dean’s voice was absolutely not higher than usual with worry.

“Oh, yeah, why didn’t I think of that?” Bobby said sarcastically, practically yelling down the phone “Oh, wait a minute. I did. Idjit!”

“What do you want me to do, Bobby? We’re two days drive from you.”

“I know. I just … wait, hang on.” The phone went silent for a few minutes except mumbled noises in the background.

Bobby’s voice came back on the line. “He’s awake.”

“Put him on.”

Bobby’s voice disappeared and after a couple of minutes Cas’ voice came on the line, made deeper by the phone “Dean?”

“Cas. What’s going on?”

“I shouldn’t be here.”

“Don’t you dare… ” Dean yelled at no one on the other end of the line.

Bobby picked up the phone. “He’s gone.”

“Yeah, I got that.” Dean’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Don’t use that tone with me, boy. D’you know what’s going on?”

“No frigging idea.”

\---XXXXXX---

Dean packed up his stuff. He needed to pick Sam up from some gas station near town where his hitched ride had left him. Yesterday, Sam had found some geeky supernatural lore library a few hours back and Dean had left him there so he could stay over and play with old books as soon as it opened in the morning. Dean had driven on to work out if there was a hunt in this town or not. There wasn’t.

Dean had tried Cas’ cell phone three times since the call from Bobby. Cas wasn’t answering. Dean left messages for Cas to call him back. He was getting worried.

Over breakfast in the diner (double pancake stack with bacon and all the extras for Dean, and fruit and yoghurt for Sam), Sam shared his exciting encounter with previously unknown lore books with Dean – for about one minute right up to the point he noticed Dean wasn’t listening.

“You okay?”

“What?” Dean looked up from his coffee “Yeah. Just Cas, you know. Weird stuff happening.”

“Like what?” Sam mumbled through a mouthful of strawberries.

“Like he showed in the motel last night asleep and dreaming in Enochian.” Dean left out the bit about being in the same bed.

“He doesn’t sleep,” Sam said, frowning.

“It gets worse. He showed at Bobby’s this morning, same thing, but double-whammy. Bobby couldn’t wake him and he was bleeding.”

“Bleeding as in, was bleeding once but now healed and just not washed. And nightmares as in …”

Dean grinned. “That’s what I said! But apparently, bleeding as in still cut and still bleeding and not healed and nightmares as in, well, as in nightmares.”

“How can he have nightmares if he doesn’t sleep?”

“He’s sleeping now. Sort of.”

“Have you spoken to him?”

“Every time I try he just zaps off. Says he shouldn’t be here and ‘shazam’. Now he’s not answering his phone.”

“And you’re worried.”

“I’m not worried.” Dean was indignant. Okay he was worried, but Sam didn’t need to know that. “Just curious.”

Sam started listing possibilities, “Witches, angels, demons, psychics, God.”

“Any or all of the above.” Dean was morose.

Dean shrugged, “Until he gets back to us, we can’t do anything. Come on, next town beckons.” He slid out of the diner seat, chucking cash on the table and draining the dregs of his coffee, “How far?”

“About 4 hours. Just a ghost. And it’s part way to Bobby’s.”

“Cool. Let’s track that way. If Cas shows up there again it’d be good to be closer.”

They were no further to working out what was going on with Cas but at least Dean had had breakfast. Things always seemed better after breakfast. But it only lasted as far as the Impala.

“My car. Why is my baby rocking?” he ran to the car parked over the other side of the street looking like it was in its own mini-earthquake and peered in the window. 

“Cas? Fuck!” Cas lay face down on the back seat, thrashing and yelling Enochian, bleeding all over the damn place, his limbs at impossible angles in the cramped car. Dean couldn’t unlock the car fast enough, the key fumbling in his hand till finally he had the door open.

“Adagita vau-pa-ahe zodonugonu fa-a-ipe salada! Vi-i-vau el! Sobame ial-pereji i-zoda-zodazod pi-adapehe casarema aberameji ta ta-labo paracaleda – ”

“Cas! CAS!” Dean leaned over Cas and grabbed his shoulder and shook him. He couldn’t see his face, but yelled at the back of his head. Cas showed no signs of hearing or feeling Dean and they were starting to get some concerned looks from passers-by.

Dean scrambled into the back seat, shifting Cas onto his side and shucking his legs up out of the way, chucking the keys at Sam, “Drive.”

Dean tried to hold Cas still while Sam folded his long legs into the car and had them up, running and half way out of town within minutes. Cas continued to toss and throw himself around the back seat and Dean tried to keep out of the way of his violently flailing limbs and find out where the hell all the blood was coming from.

Once Sam got out of town, he pulled over onto the shoulder and twisted round as best he could in the cramped front seat. “What’s happening?”

“We need to get him out. It’s too cramped here. I can’t see anything.” Dean was practically wrapped over Cas trying to get him to hold still.

“Ol sonuf vaoresaji, gohu IAD Balata, elanusaha caelazod – ” Cas yelled and struggled against Dean. 

Sam got out of the car and opened the back door furthest away from the road and furthest away from Dean, grabbed Cas by the shoulders and hauled him out on to the dirt. Dean followed, making an ungainly scrabble across the seat and through the door.

“ – sobrazod-ol Roray i ta nazodapesad, Giraa a maelpereji, das hoel-qo qaa notahoa zodimezod, od comemahe ta nobeloha zodien; soba tahil ginonupe pereje aladi, das vaurebes obolehe giresam – ”

“Do you know what he’s saying?” Dean wasn’t looking at Sam as he stretched Cas out on his back, looking for the injury that was causing all the bleeding. There was so much blood now, Dean couldn’t tell where it had started. It was all over Cas’ coat and shirt and pants and the side of his face and in his hair, and shit but how could one human body even have this much blood in it?

“It’s some kind of portal opening ritual but I only recognize the odd word,” Sam was talking as he frantically checked Cas over on his side. Dean and Sam’s heads practically knocked into each other and their bloodied hands slid over Cas as they started pulling at Cas’ clothes and feeling underneath at skin, searching for the source of the blood.

Cas tried to roll over away from them, hands reaching out like he was stretching to reach something. “ – soba ipame lu ipamis: das sobolo vepe zodomeda poamal, od bogira aai ta piape Piamoel od Vaoan! Zodacare, eca, od zodameranu! odo cicale Qaa – ” 

“Got it,” Dean exclaimed and ripped Cas shirt away from his shoulder, sending buttons flying into the dust, “Crap!” he stuck the heel of his hand hard over Cas shoulder where it looked as if he’d cut the artery, and thick, bright red blood oozed through, “Get me something. Towel, t-shirt, something.”

Sam was up and back within seconds with a clean towel from the trunk which Dean shoved over the wound, holding it down hard. 

Cas hissed and his eyes opened wide, greyer than their normal sharp sapphire, “Dean? Sam?” his voice was barely more than a croak. 

“Cas? Don’t you dare say you shouldn’t be here and zap off! Stay!”

“I don’t… I don’t think I could ‘zap’ if I wanted to.” He closed his eyes again and seemed to shrink down into the oily dirt of the roadside.

“Cas? CAS!” 

“I’m fine, Dean.” His eyes flickered open briefly, then closed again.

“Seriously? You’re going to go with ‘I’m fine’?” Dean shook his head at Sam, who shrugged, before he lifted the towel to check the wound in Cas shoulder. It was still bleeding and Dean frowned at that.

“You need to fix this, Cas. You’re bleeding Jimmy dry.”

“Hmmm?” a dopey, sleepy mumble came from the angel.

“Cas! Wake up. Fix your shoulder. Can you do that?”

“Yes, I think so.” Cas opened his eyes and a frown of concentration appeared on his face, before he closed his eyes and his face relaxed again. “Fixed” was all he said.

Dean checked, but he wasn’t happy, “Close enough, I guess.”

Sam raised a questioning eyebrow and Dean lifted the towel off and away showing a wound that now looked a couple of days old and at least wasn’t bleeding any more, but didn’t come under the usual definition of ‘fixed’.

“Cas, you with us? Can you get up?” Sam asked. He put a large hand under Cas shoulder to help lift him when Cas started to try to sit up.

“I’m fine,” Cas repeated, obviously not in the least bit fine.

Dean lifted Cas arm and pulled him upright and he and Sam helped, hell, practically carried, Cas to the car. When they got him there, Cas lay down across the back seat, curling himself up and closing his eyes. 

“I’m fine,” he mumbled into the leather, unprompted, as Dean leant in and lay his hand briefly on Cas shoulder, before backing out of the car.

“Got anything, Sammy?” Dean hitched a buttock on the hood of the car while he and Sam debated what to do. Dean kept throwing worried glances at Cas to make sure he was still there.

Sam shuffled his feet a little in the dust, “I think that wound was self-inflicted.” He kept his voice low.

“Why would he do that?” Dean’s voice was equally quiet but hissing and intense. “It was a huge hole in his shoulder for freak’s sake.”

“I’m just saying, Dean. I don’t know. He’s chanting Enochian portal opening rituals. Most of the rituals seem to involve some blood-letting.”

“I can’t believe he’d almost kill himself to open some door somewhere.” Dean looked at Cas where he hadn’t moved since he got into the car. “Normally, it’s just a sliced palm or forearm, not a frigging artery.” Dean looked up at Sam, suddenly remembering his conversation with Bobby. “Bobby said it was Cas’ forearm that was bleeding.”

“Maybe there wasn’t enough blood for the ritual. Maybe he needed more?”

“Yeah? Well in that case, it doesn’t look like the ritual worked this time either and I’ve no idea where he’s going to get more blood from than this.” Dean waved his still bloody hands to make his point.

\---XXXXXX---

Having no real reason to change their original plans, they headed towards their next hunt, Cas unmoving, eyes closed in the back, but obviously awake, responding with, “I’m fine,” every time they checked he was still with them; Dean stern, driving a little faster than he needed to, keen to get to a motel and get Cas a proper bed; Sam silently tapping away looking up Enochian rituals on the kindle.

“Cas, we’re here,” Dean slowed to turn into the motel of choice; well maybe less about choice and more about necessity.

Cas opened his eyes and managed to sit up with a little difficulty. Dean huffed a relieved breath at the improvement. 

“Where is ‘here’?” Cas looked around him curiously.

“Motel. Hunt. We’re going to stay here tonight. And in case you get any ideas, you’re staying too.”

Cas looked at him, locking on his eyes in the mirror as Dean pulled the car up and turned off the engine, “I should be somewhere else” he said matter-of-factly.

“Don’t you dare disappear on me, Cas.” If Dean sounded pissed it was because he was. Totally. Pissed and scared shitless that the next time Cas disappeared he’d come back dead. Or not at all.

Sam jumped out of the car fast mumbling something about getting the room sorted.

“I’m not going to disappear, Dean.”

“Yeah? Okay then. Good.” Dean had expected an argument and was a little deflated when he didn’t get one. He climbed out of the car and helped Cas out, Cas still stumbling a little like he was exhausted and couldn’t get his limbs to do what he wanted them to do. But at least he was upright on his own.

Sam came back with the room key, “Three beds.”

“I don’t sleep,” Cas said automatically.

Dean wasn’t even going to credit that with a response, just grunted in frustration, grabbed Cas’ elbow and led him towards the room and a bed, Sam following on behind with the bags.

\---XXXXXX---

Sam was out, researching local newspaper reports till the library closed, while Dean checked local legend on the laptop.

“Dean?” Cas had been quiet for a couple of hours and his voice from the bed startled Dean.

“S’up, Cas? How’re you feeling? – oh, yeah, wait, I bet you’re fine.”

“I am fine, Dean.” And truth is he did sound a lot better than he had been. “I have a favor to ask.”

Dean turned away from the laptop, closing it up. He was bored with research anyway. “Shoot.”

“It’s related to my condition.”

“Are you going to tell us what that is about?”

“I am. Because I need your help.”

“Anything I can do, Cas, you know that.” Dean thought a bit before adding, “Well, almost anything. Sam’s going to want to hear this. You want to wait till he gets back?”

“No, I can’t wait.”

Dean frowned, “What then?” 

“There is a place; like time, but not time; like space, but not space. Another dimension. God might be there.”

“That’s the portal you’ve been trying to open? Into this other … place?”

“You know about the portal?”

“Sam recognized some of the Enochian.”

“I haven’t been able to open the portal.” There was irritation in Cas’ voice. 

It amused Dean sometimes when Cas got irritated by his lessened abilities. It wasn’t amusing him so much this time round though. “No shit. I think the blood and the nightmares were giving that away.”

Cas managed to look shocked. “You know about the … nightmares?”

“Yeah? Why? Is that a problem?”

“No. It’s just… Never mind. It makes the favor easier to ask anyway.”

Dean just raised an eyebrow, but he let Cas continue.

“The ritual is failing because of the nightmares. That word isn’t appropriate but it will do. The ritual induces a trance state. When I enter the trance state, I see things that aren’t there. I should be looking for the portal, but I end up trying to escape from the… things… that I see that aren’t there.”

“What’s the favor?” Dean asked tentatively.

“I need to feel safe when I am performing the ritual. I want you to come with me.”

“I’m not going to sit and watch while you bleed yourself to death, Cas.”

“I don’t need so much blood. A little will do. I thought it might be that I wasn’t using enough blood but now I know it isn’t the blood that’s the problem. I just need to feel safe. So that I can look for the portal and not worry about the things.”

“You came to me and Sam and Bobby because that’s where you feel safe?” Dean said it almost in wonder.

“To you, if I can find you. Sam and Bobby if not. Is that wrong?” Cas leant his head to one side in that curious, questioning habit he had.

“No, Cas, no. That’s good.” Dean was secretly pleased Cas felt safe with him foremost. He was gonna rub that in with Sam one day, “So, what do I have to do?”

“The ritual needs to be performed in a certain place. There are only two such places on Earth. I need you to come with me.”

“Is it dangerous?”

“Not for you.”

Dean read between the lines, “But it is for you?”

“The nightmares are weakening me. Each time I try the ritual it’s worse than the time before.”

“And you’re going to keep trying with or without me.” Dean knew it wasn’t even a question. Stubborn son-of-a-bitch and his search for his Dad. 

Cas just nodded in agreement, “I have to at least look.”

There was no thinking involved here for Dean. Cas was his friend and needed his help. He rang Sam, told him he was shooting off with Cas for a little bit and would be back soon. He didn’t elaborate so he didn’t get Sam bitching down the phone at him at the stupidity of it. He turned to Cas, “I’m good. Let’s go.”

\---XXXXXX---

Dean wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it wasn’t the green flowing meadow, filled with sunlight and warm breezes. “Where are we?”

“England. Near Stonehenge.”

“Really? Stonehenge is really a magical place?”

“No. But this place where we’re standing is.” Dean hated it when Cas gave him that ‘don’t be thick’ look but he was going to let this one slide.

“So what do we do?”

Cas took a few long strides to a boulder in the meadow, surrounded by small trees. “I will do the ritual here. You need to watch me and do what seems right. I don’t know how my fear manifests itself.”

“I can tell you now it’s loud and fucking scary,” Dean said with feeling.

“Hmmm, but you need to stop it before it gets too ‘loud and fucking scary’, Dean.” Dean grinned. He didn’t know why, but he loved it when Cas cursed. Cas gave a small smile back and Dean got that Cas knew Dean was scared and Cas was trying to help him out.

“Let’s do it, Cas.”

Cas nodded, rolled up his sleeve and pulled a knife out of his pocket.

“Whoa, you said no blood.”

“I think I said not as much blood. I still need some.”

“Does it have to be yours? You’re still weak.”

Cas looked at him with affection, “No, it doesn’t have to be mine.”

Dean rolled his sleeve up and held out his arm to Cas. Cas sliced into Dean’s forearm and Dean only winced slightly as Cas brushed his fingers against the cut to scoop up the blood. Dean found the fact that Cas looked at his eyes, not his arm, the whole time vaguely disconcerting, “Are we good?”

“We’re good.” Cas turned to the boulder and painted a symbol with Dean’s blood, starting to mutter in Enochian “Ol sonuf vaoresaji, gohu IAD Balata, elanusaha caelazod: sobrazod-ol Roray i ta nazodapesad, Giraa ta maelpereji”.

Cas knelt in front of the boulder, still chanting, closed his eyes and leaned both hands on the boulder, arms outstretched. Dean watched Cas silently for signs of distress.

After a few minutes it became obvious that Cas was in a trance state, the cadence of his voice was even, the chant was ritualistic and monotone, he moved not at all from his position on the rock. It was only a minute or two after achieving that state that Dean noticed that Cas was getting agitated. At first it was a hitch in his breathing, barely noticeable, then a fleeting frightened look on his face. Dean wasn’t sure how long it would take to get to the ‘loud and fucking scary’ stage. He just knew he was supposed to do something right now.

But, hell if he knew what. He thought back to when Sammy was little. He’d had nightmares full of the things they’d hunted and Dean had helped him through those. He figured the principle was the same even if it was little kid versus full grown man, well, angel.

He stepped up behind Cas and put his hands on his shoulders, squeezing lightly, “Cas? you’re good, man. Those things you see, they’re not real. Ignore the bastards. They’re just trying to put you off. You’re better than them. One of those heavy-ass glares from you and they won’t know what hit them. And you know what? I’m here to back you up. So you just tell the bastards to skiddadle outta there and leave you the fuck alone. Or they’ll have me to answer to.” 

And amazingly it seemed to work! For a short time anyway. Cas’ chanting became stronger again and he stopped showing the signs of fear so Dean removed his hands from Cas shoulders and waited again. 

But it was only seconds and Cas was back to a scared-looking kid watching a horror movie.

Dean quickly put his hands back on Cas’ shoulders and started talking to him again, “You’re safe, Cas. I’ve got you.” This time it didn’t seem to be helping. Dean got down to Cas’ level kneeling on the grass behind him and ran his hands up and down Cas upper arms, and Cas dropped his arms to his sides and sat back from the boulder onto his heels. His eyes were still closed, he was still chanting continuous Enochian and he still looked shit-scared. 

Dean didn’t know what else to do so he leaned his chest into Cas’ back as he had with Sam all those years ago, wrapping his arms round Cas arms and chest, easy from where he knelt behind him, put his chin on Cas shoulder and talked quiet and clear into Cas’ ear continuously, thanking Heaven and Hell and anyone else that would listen that Sam wasn’t watching and Cas probably wouldn’t remember, “I’ve got you, Cas. You’re going to be ok. I’m going to look after you. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”

Cas calmed again in Dean’s embrace and Dean daren’t stop this time, for fear the nightmares would come right back so he kept holding him and talking to him, “Nothing’s going to get you, Cas. I won’t let it. You’re safe.”

“Torezodu! gohe-el, zodacare eca ca-no-quoda! zodameranu micalazodo od ozadazodame vaurelar; lape zodir IOIAD!” Cas chanted on.

Dean’s knees were numb by the time Cas stopped chanting, “Cas?”

“Dean,” Cas seemed to take a gulp of air and flopped back into Dean, “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Cas. Did it work?”

“He’s not there,” Cas sounded so damned despondent. 

“I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean drew Cas closer and tighter against him, wishing so hard that he could fix it, but if he couldn’t fix it, at least he could do this.

\----The End----


End file.
